Author: Sandra Pascoe

Rating: FRT

Disclaimer: Actually the bots are mine ... just not the characters they are based on!

So … you want to know what it takes to create a bot? Well, I’ve collated the following "transcript of events" based upon extracts from my diary and the CCTV footage, which will show some of the problems encountered whilst creating Wizard Giles-bot. It may also give those of you having problems with Peter-bot a few hints and tips and will also show that the other bots are certainly not immune to the tension! It should be noted that the only bot that was allowed in the laboratory was Tweedy - he’s proved to be a big help, bless him.

Well, the basic bot is now complete and his motor functions are performing well. I’m getting nervous about tomorrow though - we’ll be downloading his memory, activating his chips and initiating his magical abilities. Tweedy is nervous as well … which tends to make me worse. He’s had his nose stuck in a book all day, only getting up to make tea or mutter and stutter to himself. I think he’s beginning to doubt his spell research … I tried reassuring him but he was having none of it. James obviously sensed things getting heated between us because he grabbed Tweedy’s arm and led him towards the library, wittering about needing his help. They are often together and it’s one thing I never considered - who knew that James and Tweedy would strike up such a friendship? "Dumb and dumber" Ripper has dubbed them … much to Tweedy’s consternation.

I was about to go down and check on WGB one last time when Peter cornered me. A couple of Tweedies had called, wanting to know when they could adopt WGB. According to Peter, one called "Donna" had been particularly persistent, whilst Galeana could "talk the hind legs off a bloody donkey." I promised to call them both and explain the delays we were having. Peter shuffled his feet slightly and then said that he had received an adoption application he wasn’t happy with. It would be the first time we’d ever rejected an application and he wanted to know if I agreed with his decision. I didn’t even look at the application form … I told Peter that I trusted his judgement in these matters. He looked pleased and said he would reject Tag’s application immediately. As soon as I heard the name, I mentally braced myself for the fireworks ahead.

I’m never an early riser on Sunday’s … which initially irritated Tweedy but now I think he's rather pleased that he has the morning to himself. He was, of course, already in the lab by the time I got there. He smiled and handed me a cup of tea. I accepted gratefully, happy that our little contretemps of the previous day had been forgotten. He’d obviously been hard at work because his corner of the lab was covered with open books and scribbled on pieces of paper. I raised an eyebrow and Tweedy shrugged.

"I wanted to be prepared," he remarked. "I’ve made a list of the books I feel WBG should have."

"If he ever works," I muttered slightly sourly. For some reason I have been unable to shake a bad feeling about WGB. I walked over to the table upon which lay the prone WGB and I began to activate the various chips whilst his memory was downloading.

"Ready?" I asked Tweedy who was preparing to test WGB on his magical skills. Tweedy nodded, his eyes glowing in anticipation as I activated WGB. It’s always a bit anticlimactic when you activate a new bot … you expect fireworks or a band playing triumphantly in the background. All you really get though is a slight hum as his motors cut in. I almost held my breath as WGB sat up and opened his eyes. I asked the usual test questions and things appeared to be going fine … until I mentioned magic, that is. WGB drew his knees up, hugging them to his chest and shaking his head morosely.

"It’s not mine," he muttered, "it’s going to be taken away … it’s not mine … it’s theirs … I’ve only borrowed it."

"No," I replied, realising what he was muttering about. "The power is yours …all yours. No-one will take it away."

WGB began to rock back and forth. "No … all going … nothing left soon …nothing of me left … I’ll be nothing."

"Cheerful chap, isn’t he?" Remarked Tweedy, his smile faltering somewhat as WGB raised his head and glared at Tweedy.

"Uh-oh," I reached forward to deactivate WGB as I heard him start to chant. Tweedy turned to me wide-eyed.

"D...d...did you hear that? You know what he was chanting, don’t you?"

"Um .. no."

"He was going to … destroy me," Tweedy trailed off sadly and I stepped forward, hugging him tightly. He tensed as usual before relaxing, his arms finally snaking around me.

"We’ve had unstable bots before," I said softly as I drew back. "I’ll adjust his responsibility levels … and try and get it through his thick skull that the magic belongs to him."

"When will he be ready to be activated again?"

"Probably tomorrow."

"Good," remarked Tweedy, grabbing his jacket. "I promised James I’d help him with something."

"What are you two up to?" I was amused at all the huddling in corners those two were doing. Tweedy merely smiled and left. I spent the rest of the day in the lab, adjusting various settings etc before deciding to call it a night and go to bed.

What can I say? I blame myself entirely for today’s events. It was my own fault for getting distracted whilst I was supposed to be working. I was in the lab, finishing some rewiring on WGB when Tweedy came in ... jacketless. No big deal … except he went over to his corner and put his hands in his pockets, giving me an A1 view of that tweed stretched over that glorious bum of his. I knew I shouldn’t have carried on rewiring whilst casting admiring glances towards his rear... Suddenly, I became aware of muffled thumps and various noises from upstairs and Tweedy turned around. He glanced up and smiled. He knew I worried about my other guys.

"Ripper has challenged Training to a boxing match," he explained. "James is taking bets on the outcome from Tuxy, Oliver and Peter. Tranny has had a panic about his nail polish and Singing is trying to calm him down."

I tried not to smirk as I remembered the last time Tranny had a panic … he was strutting up and down in his new fishnets when the heel of one of his stilettos broke. You’d think someone had shot him from the fuss he made. I had ignored his yelling and concentrated on trying not to laugh out loud … from the quivering I could feel alongside me, Tweedy had struggled with the same problem. With a sigh, I quickly finished and prepared to activate WGB once more. Tweedy immediately joined me, book in hand of course and I flicked the switch. As WGB sat up, I started in on the test questions … I never got very far though. There was a sudden flash of green light and Tweedy and I were sent flying through the air ... landing in a complete tangle of limbs on the other side of the lab. By the time we'd managed to extricate ourselves, WGB had left the lab and was going upstairs. We quickly followed, exchanging glances at the rather worrying fizzing sound we could hear. When we got upstairs, WGB was standing in the middle of the living room, shaking convulsively and fizzing wildly. I yelled at the other bots to take cover and leapt behind the sofa. Tweedy and James quickly joined me, Oliver and Peter dived behind the other sofa whilst Ripper and Training headed outside. There was a huge bang and bits of metal flew everywhere. I was curled up between James and Tweedy and it took a bit of effort to persuade them to move away enough so I could raise my head and peer cautiously over the sofa. WGB's head had exploded ... the rest of him was still convulsing and the sparks had caused small fires to start on the carpet. Oliver and Peter suddenly rose fluidly and calmly put out the fires and extinguished WGB's sparking. When they deemed it safe, I was finally allowed to come out from behind the sofa, closely followed by James and Tweedy. I hugged and thanked Oliver before moving over to where Peter was gazing down at the now prone WGB.

"Peter?"

At the sound of my voice, Peter turned around, gazing at me with a profound sadness in his eyes. I engulfed him in a hug, holding him tightly and whispering my thanks. I held him a lot longer than I did Oliver and a pang of worry went through me. I turned my head slightly to look at Oliver, to try and make him understand. I needn't have worried. Oliver smiled at me and nodded slightly. I should have known that he would understand ... he more than most would know what Peter was going through. I suddenly had a thought and stepped back, releasing Peter.

"Peter," I smiled up at him. "Would you help Tweedy and I take WGB down to the lab?"

Peter's eyes widened in excitement and I caught Oliver grinning at me. He gave me a quick thumbs up before leaving the room. We carried WGB’s body down to the lab and it took us some considerable time to collect together all the pieces of head that were dotted around. I was picking through the remains in the lab when I became aware of Peter prowling around, his eyes scanning everything. As if aware of my gaze, he turned to look at me.

"Have you had this place checked for bugs?" He asked earnestly and I shrugged, turning and exchanging a glance with Tweedy.

"No," I replied, moving to the computer on the other side of the lab and quickly programming a keycard. I handed it to Peter. "This will give you full access … do whatever you have to."

"How soon do you want it finished? When do you want the card back?"

"I don’t," I replied as I deliberately turned back to WGB. I tried to keep my tone nonchalant as I continued, "I want you to keep the card. Lab security is now up to you."

I almost held my breath as I awaited Peter’s response. I was aware of his footsteps getting closer but I kept picking my way through various bits of wire. Two hands suddenly touched my shoulders.

"Thank you," Peter whispered before quickly kissing my cheek and heading upstairs.

"I think he’ll be fine now," remarked Tweedy. "It was getting worrying. None of us really knew how to reach him."

"Yeah," I replied, "with luck, he’ll …"

I broke off and groaned as I held up a tangle of wires. That was when I realised what had happened … how it was my fault. When I explained this to Tweedy, he immediately took the wires out of my hand and started to lead me from the lab. When I protested, he grabbed my other hand and turned to face me.

"Leave it until tomorrow," he said softly. "You need to relax for the rest of the day … let us all take your mind off it for a while."

The phrase "taking my mind off it" had a variety of different meanings for the bots. Tweedy thought that a sit-down with a mug of hot tea would be just the ticket. Training thought I should go out jogging. Singing and Tranny wanted to put on a floor-show. Tuxy wanted to take me out for dinner. Oliver wanted to take me for some shooting practice. Peter wanted to go through his ideas for securing the lab and Ripper … well, Ripper started carrying in crates of beer. Seems he’d decided it was "party-time." Tweedy quickly came up with a schedule of events for the evening that, amazingly, managed to keep each bot happy … not to mention me of course. I had the time of my life with them. Surprisingly, during the course of the evening, I was taken aside by Ripper who obviously had something on his mind.

"That new bloke," he said, stubbing out his cigarette, "he gonna make it?"

"Yes," I smiled. "He’ll be fine."

"He’s worried, you know," Ripper casually indicated Tweedy. "Bloody idiot thinks you’re gonna ignore him once ‘flash harry’ is ready."

"I’m not going to do that," I frowned.

"That don’t matter, love," he replied, leaning closer. "He thinks you will … never did think that much of isself. He thinks you won’t need him down there no more … thinks the new guy will be more of a help."

"Then he’s wrong, isn’t he?"

Ripper gazed at me for a long moment before nodding and, as I turned to go back to the others, he spoke once more.

"The party … the one when we hit 150 members."

"Yes?"

"No Angel-bot’s this time," he glared. "He didn’t like it …"

I didn’t need to ask … I remembered the look on Tweedy’s face as he recognised the bot standing behind the bar. That had been a major mistake on my part … and Ripper had gathered together some of the other bots and literally taken the Angel-bot apart at the end of the night. I’d almost forgotten how protective of Tweedy Ripper could get.

"How about a neutered Ethan-bot?"

Ripper grinned at me. "Much better, love."

After a wonderful fried breakfast, courtesy of Tweedy, I was in the lab bright and early, fashioning a new head for WGB. It's quite an easy task as there are plenty of spare heads ... it only needs a bit of "cosmetic surgery" to adapt it to the chosen bot. Conscious of yesterday, Tweedy arrived with his jacket on and desperately tried NOT to put his hands in his pockets. Of course, it was just as distracting watching him wonder what to do with them and eventually I had to yell at him to stop fidgeting. At the hurt expression that crossed his face, I was immediately contrite and apologised at once. He accepted my apology but his expression didn't clear. With a sigh, I dropped my tools and walked over to him. I put my arms around him and rested my head on his chest. After a few moments, I felt him relax and he held me tightly to him.

"I really am sorry," I said softly. "I could never do this without you."

"Rubbish," he whispered. "Of course you could."

"I wouldn't want to," I replied. Tweedy stuttered a bit and shuffled his feet, before quickly kissing the top of my head and gently pulling back. He immediately whipped off his glasses and began polishing them furiously. I stifled a grin and was about to return to WGB when there was a commotion from upstairs. I glanced at Tweedy, who shrugged and put his glasses back on. All we could hear were a few raised voices, then a door slammed. I was about to go upstairs and find out what was going on when Peter came jogging down. I raised an eyebrow at him and he smiled slightly.

"There was a troublemaker upstairs," he said evenly. "Someone called 'Medelle' tried to organise a sit-in as a protest against you for not creating a Henry-bot."

I groaned and Tweedy chuckled. Peter just looked confused.

"Who is Henry?" He asked. "And why won't you create a bot?"

"Go and ask Oliver for the Silent Witness tape ... you can see for yourself." A thought suddenly struck me. "What happened to Medelle?"

"Oh I threw her out," replied Peter calmly, "I don't think she'll be bothering us for a while."

"Oh good," remarked Tweedy brightly. "We can watch the footage of that this evening."

"I'll need the lab clear for a while later," said Peter, "I need to check it over."

"No problem," I replied. "Give me an hour or so and it'll be all yours. I'm sure Tweedy and I can find something to keep ourselves occupied."

"I'm sure," Peter grinned and then left. I turned to Tweedy in surprise.

"Did you see that? Peter grinned ... he actually grinned."

"Yes, dear," replied Tweedy. "Now get on with attaching that head ... "

"Ohh, got something in mind for later, have we?"

I love that blush! He does it so well. It actually took less than an hour to attach WGB's head and I toyed with activating him right away. Tweedy however, felt that it would be advantageous to go over the specs one more time before activation and I must say that, after consideration, I agreed with him. I certainly didn't want another exploding bot on my hands.

Another early start in the lab but Tweedy and Peter had beaten me to it once more.

"A barbarian bot?" I heard Peter saying as I entered the lab. "Why on earth would anyone want that?"

"People are strange," I replied, "they also want a coffee drinking bot."

I had to grin at the look of extreme distaste upon Tweedy's face.

"I'll be doing a bit of drilling later," said Peter, "it won't disturb you will it?"

"No," I frowned. "What are you up to?"

"I'm replacing your security system. The current system of keycards is very inefficient."

"Oh ... what are you replacing it with?"

THIS SECTION HAS BEEN REMOVED BY PETER-BOT ... DUE TO POSSIBILITY OF SECURITY BEING COMPROMISED.

"Carry on ... sounds good." I turned to Tweedy and smiled slightly. "Are we ready for testing?"

"There is one small concern I have," replied Tweedy as Peter picked up a couple of tools and left the room. "You know the slight problem with the magic overloading WGB's machinery?"

"Yes?"

"Well, I was discussing the problem with another Tweedy ... on that ... um ... infernal machine ...and the lady of the house, KiwiKat, had a rather intriguing suggestion."

"Go on."

"Start with a small dose of magic ...and let the magic grow over time. That way, his systems will have time to adapt."

"That's a brilliant idea!" I hugged Tweedy. "And it won't take very long to programme .... I'll send Kat a special sensitivity chip for her James-bot as a thank you."

"I'm sure they'll both enjoy that," Tweedy replied dryly. "Would you like some more good news?"

"Oh, go on then."

"The trenchcoats have finally arrived."

I kissed Tweedy soundly before almost skipping over to WGB. It took only a few minutes to reprogramme him and then Tweedy and I prepared to activate him for the third and hopefully last time. I held my breath as I threw the switch but everything seemed fine. No fizzing, no shaking, no mutterings of "borrowed power". His magic was fairly weak but that was only to be expected.

"I think we've cracked it," I said to Tweedy as WGB sat smiling at us. I leaned back against Tweedy and sighed with relief.

"There ... um ... there is one thing that you ... um ... haven't ... tested yet," replied Tweedy, his voice shaking slightly.

"Mmmm?" I was really too happy, too comfortable to notice his stuttering nervousness.

"His ... um ... wand," he said softly. "That hasn't been ... tested yet."

That statement broke through the happy haze in my head. I felt Tweedy's tenseness and glanced up at WGB. Yes, he was new ... he had certain advantages ... certain abilities ... but sometimes you have to cherish what you already have, celebrate the known and loved and not instantly leap towards something new and untested.

"Nah," I replied calmly, reaching down to grasp Tweedy's hand. "The field testers can do that."