WHAT IS KNICKER PINGING?
Knicker pinging is both an art-form and a sport (it is currently under consideration for inclusion in the next Olympic Games). It tends to be practised by devotees of particular popstars/actors in order to show their affection and release their pent-up enthusiasm. It developed from the possibly more well-known "knicker throwing", which is usually practised by Tom Jones fans. "Throwing" however tends to be inaccurate and wild - the knickers in question can actually end up anywhere within a twenty foot radius of the intended target. For a time, "throwing" was the accepted form of projection but recently a group of Anthony Head fans introduced a novel innovation. The group (The Tweedies) realised that by utilising the elasticity of the knickers in question they could achieve a much more accurate and, indeed, much speedier result. An experienced "Pinger" can hit their target quite easily with each single attempt and the speed of despatch is quite remarkable. By the time a "Thrower" has despatched one pair toward their target, the "Pinger" has already hit their target with three pairs.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Should you use freshly washed knickers or simply whip them off when the occasion calls for it?
Our advice is that freshly washed knickers have a much better elasticity thereby enabling one to ping them further. Worn knickers tend to lose trajectory quite quickly and a "drag" effect has been observed which seriously affects both distance and accuracy.
Do I Ping alone or can I Ping with others?
It is advisable to practise in the privacy of your own home. Once you feel comfortable with your skill and accuracy then you can join others in "Ping Nights". These nights test a variety of Pinging Methods and the more skilled participants can progress and enter the Annual Tweedy Pinging Festival.
How many knickers can I Ping in one session?
As many as you like. The more well-known Pinging Moments, such as Giles’ appearance in "Two to Go" and "Grave" wearing that sexy black trenchcoat and the chainsaw wielding scene in "Fear Itself", can result in a veritable bucket-load of knickers being Pinged quickly and efficiently at the television screen. It is suggested that you stockpile a collection of knickers and ensure they are within easy reach once the programme in question starts.
TOP PINGING STYLES
Months of research by dedicated Pinging Tweedies have established six distinct Pinging Styles. You must be proficient in each of these styles to gain entry into the Annual Tweedy Pinging Festival.
The standard Pinging Style. This is the one that most people feel comfortable with. It is remarkably accurate, trust-worthy and once learned the knowledge will stay with you always. With this one you can literally "ping and move on".
An easy, laid-back style which requires minimum intelligence to put into effect. The gentleness of this style however, tends to mask a worrying tendency for "floppiness" in the Ping.
Note the positioning on this one. A very undercover style that requires a great deal of intelligence and initiative. Please note that knickers pinged in this style will have a tendency to "hang" on things.
An air of mystery haunts this style and the costume of the Pinger is all-important. This style may not appear dependable at first but you will soon find that you can trust the accuracy and speed of this style.
This style is extremely adaptable and can be utilised with any particular variety of knicker. Knickers pinged using this method have a worrying habit of disappearing behind things or vanishing without trace.
A style for the more experience Pinger. You must be ready, willing and flexible to attempt this style. Attempting this method in public is not advised as it may be seriously misconstrued.
CHARACTER PINGING
As soon as you are proficient in the various Pinging styles, the next stage is to learn which particular knickers are more effective for which particular ASHblf (Anthony Stewart Head based life-form). You should make up your own minds on this - knicker pinging is a very personal sport. However, to give you a few pointers, we have picked probably the most famous ASHblf for a "brief" guide as to what you should be looking for:
Rupert Giles:
Giles deserves only the best - so when the Pinging urge comes upon you, then you should use only your best and/or favourite knickers. Giles deserves nothing less. May we humbly suggest that you go into overdrive whenever Giles sings and ping every pair of knickers you own at the screen. However ... certain episodes require a more direct approach, so here are a few suggestions for you:
The Witch - Giles being all macho and spell-casting ... well ...obviously thongs are required here... especially during the spell-casting ... if your hands stop shaking for long enough ....hmmm black ones ....
Halloween - Another thong special - this time for the Ethan/Giles confrontation. Although have a care - timing is essential here ... or you may find yourself pinging at Ethan Rayne instead ...
The Dark Age - Giles needs comforting here ... so ping everything. All the knickers you have ... make him feel a bit special...
Passion - Far too sad an episode for knicker pinging. Please try and restrain yourself and show a bit of respect ...(Tweedies have been known to use their unpinged knickers as impromptu tissues during this ep)
Becoming - Awww ... Giles being tortured! Almost unbearable to watch ... so this one calls for something a bit different. You may find yourself getting a tad angry during this ... so ... ping all the nasties you can find - at Angelus. Unwashed knickers, elastic bands ... whatever you can lay your hands on. Give him a taste of his own damn medicine.
Band Candy - no point pinging knickers when Giles is in Ripper-mode ... it's not as though knickers are going to last very long with Ripper around ...
Fear Itself - ohhhhh ... thongs ...black ... when Giles appears with that chainsaw! Show your appreciation for the sexy love god with the powertool...
Buffy vs. Dracula - ohhhhh get those thongs ready, girls!!! You know which scene needs the thong attention, right? Yup - Giles in the lair of the dracubabes and getting his shirt ripped off ... wow.... either thongs or black, lacy knickers required here ... possibly both.
Two to Go/Grave - it's black, lacy knicker time, girls - those few seconds at the end of Two to Go have provoked extreme reactions from Giles fans (some of whom have embarrassed themselves mightily when the great one returned!). So the only things that we feel are worthy to be pinged during these two episodes are black, lacy knickers ... and if you can find crotchless ones then all the better...
HANDY HINTS AND TIPS
Please ensure all windows are closed and doors are firmly locked - a slight breeze is enough to send your pinged knickers veering wildly off course.
Check your knickers BEFORE the programme starts ... test the elastic and make sure they are in tip-top condition.
Remove all jewellery and anything else that may "catch" on the elastic
A few stretching exercises before pinging will stop any muscles seizing up or tensing.
Have your remote control handy - it can help sometimes to rewind particular moments in order to get your ping absolutely right.
It may be advantageous to chant the Official Tweedy Pinging song whilst attempting to ping with accuracy. Lyrics are as follows:
I'm a chick with a deadly ping
We see ASH and our minds go zing
Our hearts will thump and our blood will sing
So let the parties and the chats rock on
We're gonna yammer 'till the night is gone
Tweed tint my world
and ping those knickers with a deadly aim
WARNING: Please note that this guide is only for use in the home. It is for use with all Tony's characters. Please DO NOT attempt to ping knickers at Tony personally - you may find yourself hauled off to the local police station should you attempt pinging in public. There are safety aspects to consider as well as Tony's personal feelings - knickers today can be a bit on the small side and a knicker pinged with force could have his eye out - so please restrain yourself during public appearances etc.
I would like to thank WickedFox for her stunning illustrations that made this guide possible! (Without her help, this wouldn't have appeared because I have the artistic ability of your average three year-old!) To see more of her incredible work, please visit her two websites: WICKED FOX 1 and WICKED FOX 2. Thanks again, honey! Major thanks also to Donna Lang for the lyrics to the Tweedy Pinging Song - thought up and first seen in the #tweedybookguy chatroom!